Dads And Daddies

Brian and Judson hookup with Adam MacLean

Judson and Brian are reunited after Judson returns from three weeks of globetrotting with his husband. He recounts highlights of his restorative trip to Sri Lanka, plus a sexy 36-hour layover in Istanbul. Brian happily reports on his recent stress reduction, having survived a dreaded business trip and having come to the annual end of his seasonal blues. They share some listener feedback about inaccurate medical information discussed in an episode from a few weeks prior.  The two then welcome to the podcast Adam MacLean, founder of PostShame.org, host of the podcast “Find Your Light,” and trained sacred intimate.  Adam takes Judson and Brian through his consulting work, helping people reclaim online content others may try to use against them, and his sacred intimate work assisting people to find comfort in their bodies. All three address this week’s Go Ask Your Dad question, which comes from a listener who’s concerned his libido does not match those of his friends and feels pressure to be having more sex than he is.
 
Show notes:
Find Adam MacLean at PostShame.org and listen to his podcast, Find Your Light
Judson recommends Rachel Kushner’s novel, Creation Lake
 
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Brian and Judson talk Cruising

Recorded last September, Judson and Brian share some unusual propositions they’ve each received on the apps before delving into a discussion of the lost art of cruising. They delineate the steps to proper cruising, reminisce about cruising successes and fails they’ve experienced over the years, and make a case for bringing cruising back in the current landscape of hookup apps. They end with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener struggling with feelings of jealousy of his friends who he believes are more attractive than he is and are having sex with each other.
 
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Brian and Judson talk Fatherhood

Recorded last May, Judson and Brian share the details of their travel over Memorial Day Weekend ‘24 - Judson to Austin for a weekend of naked yoga, where he performed a stand-up set and met his spirit animal, and Brian to London for a celebration of his tenth wedding anniversary, where he and his husband saw a number of shows and enjoyed a playdate together with a ‘certified werewolf.’ Judson then interviews Brian about his path to fatherhood, from the origins of Brian’s desires to be a father, to his search for the right person to start a family with, to the before, during and after of the surrogacy journeys that brought them their two daughters. Staying on theme, they end with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a divorced dad whose 8 year-old daughter is not reacting well to any affection he’s shown by his new boyfriend.
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Brian and Judson talk Affection

Judson shares learnings from time spent with his 95 year-old father-in-law, and checks in on Brian’s stress-induced vision impairment to ensure he’s addressing it with the proper amount of self-care. The two then enter into a discussion about affection–what constitutes affection, how important it is to each, and how it manifests in their relationships with their husbands, their families, their friends, their coworkers and even with strangers. This week’s Go Ask Your Dad question comes from a listener who wants help responding to persistent online suitors who won’t take the hint that he’s not interested in meeting up..
 
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Judson and Brian hookup with Jeff Hiller

Judson helps Brian turn his frown upside down by making him reframe how he looks back on the past week, and challenges Brian to think about managing his stress with lessons about the mind-body connection Judson has taken from the works of Gabor Mate. The two then welcome the brilliant and hysterical actor and comedian Jeff Hiller, co-star of HBO’s “Somebody Somewhere” and author of the forthcoming memoir, “Actress of a Certain Age: My Twenty Year Trail to Overnight Success,” to the podcast. Jeff takes Judson and Brian through the laugh-out-loud highlights of his life and career, from his days as an STI and HIV pre- and post-test counselor in the Denver Public Health Department to his entry into the world of improv to the meeting of his husband to his breakout TV role. He shares sneak peeks into some of the stories included in his upcoming book, and lets them in on others that ended up on the cutting room floor. Jeff then joins Judson and Brian in responding to a listener’s Go Ask Your Dad question seeking advice about how to engage his husband in a conversation about kickstarting their sex life that has fizzled over the years.
 
Preorder a signed copy of Jeff’s book, Actress of a Certain Age: My Twenty Year Trail to Overnight Success at https://www.strandbooks.com/actress-of-a-certain-age-my-twenty-year-trail-to-overnight-success-9781668031858.html
 
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Judson and Brian talk Vanity

Judson puts a label on his relationship with Brian and reports on his experience Daddying a third alongside his husband. Brian recounts a magical night attending Jinkx Monsoon’s Carnegie Hall debut and shares the highlights of his family’s trip to Puerto Rico over the midwinter break. The two then examine how vanity manifests for so much of the gay male community, and what it will take to answer the question Judson poses: “When will you look in the mirror and feel great?” Judson and Brian close the episode by responding to a Go Ask Your Dad question from two dads who find it challenging to transition from the stress of parenting by day to being sexual partners at night.

Judson and Brian talk Breakups

Judson and Brian compare Valentine’s Day plans and reflect on their first Valentine’s Day dinners with their now-husbands. They then share the news about their second live show and first Dads and Daddies party on Friday, March 28, at the Cockpit in Hell’s Kitchen, New York City. Judson recounts an emotional week at work, having survived a significant round of layoffs, and Brian describes his week of multiple misfires on the apps. The two then tell each other their stories of the biggest breakups they’ve experienced, the closest they’ve ever come to breaking up with their husbands, what it would take for them to get divorced, and discuss getting out of relationships at the right time. This week’s Go Ask Your Dad question comes from a couple new to playing with thirds who are wondering if there is an issue with kicking off their interactions with a drink and a chat.

Judson and Brian talk Friends with Benefits

Judson and Brian compare how they are attempting to find balance and peace in unsteady times and provide updates about how they were each happily surprised this week by some unexpected playtime. Brian talks about time spent with his kids before getting on his soapbox about the unrealistic expectations for parents set by the cartoon show "Bluey." The two then explore the concept of "friends with benefits"—how they define it, whether any of their current friendships fall into that category, how friends with benefits work in open relationships, and whether they have friendships now they'd like to turn into friends with benefits. On the theme of friends, Judson and Brian end by taking a "Go Ask Your Dad" question about how to navigate the end of queer friendships, particularly when they exist within a larger circle of friends.

Judson and Brian talk 'Playing Together'

Brian and Judson compare notes: first, on masturbation–how frequently they do it, why they do it, and when–and, second, on how frustrating the logistics of hookups can be, particularly if they take place in New Jersey. Brian then looks to Judson for guidance on making hookups happen that include his husband, and what ‘playing together’ looks like in Judson’s marriage. They end with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener whose bisexual husband wants permission to have sex with a female friend, knowing they would have to keep it secret from her husband.

Judson and Brian hookup with Will Wikle

Judson recounts a perplexing dream, and Brian shares news of his renewed sexual activity. They gush over the return of "Severance" before welcoming "Big Brother" icon Will Wikle, whose diverse career spans mainstream entertainment, sex work, and now psychiatry, having opened his own practice, Peace Park Psychiatry. Will regales them with a series of incredible stories, including a lucrative escorting experience, how self-love is handled on "Big Brother,” and the support he received from Julie Chen after his eviction. He also seeks their advice on navigating Daddy/Son dynamics and sex parties. Finally, Will joins Judson and Brian in answering a listener's "Go Ask Your Dad" question about pursuing a sexual relationship within a friend group while respecting each couple’s open relationship boundaries.